Love Is

March 30, 2019 Joel Berry

I wrote this post eight years ago, when Cheri and I were mentoring a group of newly married couples. Although the apostle Paul’s discussion of love in 1 Corinthians 13 is easily applied within the context of marriage, he was actually addressing love from the broader context of the church. When Christians walk by the Spirit, love is the motivation for all that we do. It is the greatest of all of the gifts of the Spirit. Jesus commanded his disciples, “... just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another” (Jn 13:34b). Paul helps us understand what love is.

LOVE IS

It has been a real joy the past couple of months to get to know the young couples in our small group. It’s exciting to listen to them share their experiences as they relate to the topics that we discuss. It’s also inspiring to know that they are committed to each other, and they want to grow together in their marriage relationships. One of our discussion questions last night caught my attention. In order to answer it, I had to think back to about 30 years ago when I first met Cheri. The question was “How have your ideas about love changed as you’ve gone from dating to engagement to marriage?”

After our first date, I was smitten. There was just something about Cheri that made me stop in my tracks and say “Wow!” She was drop-dead gorgeous, extremely smart, and she seemed to like me. I spent every moment with her that I could because I wanted to get to know her. But looking back at that phase of our relationship, I realize I was more interested in receiving her admiration and attention that in learning how to love her.

After three years of dating, I proposed to her on her 21st birthday. I had playfully asked her if she would marry me a number of times, just to see what she would say. She would hold our her hand, smile at me, and say, “Where’s the ring?” That was always assuring, because she never said “no”. She always left the door open for when we were ready to make a lifetime commitment to each other. When I did officially propose, she asked, “Where’s the ring?” and held out her hand, just as she always did. This time, I slipped the ring onto her finger, and she said yes!

A Royal Wedding

May 19, 2018 Joel Berry

Cheri turned on the TV at 5:30 this morning, excited for the opportunity to watch the events leading up to the royal wedding between Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. I could have put on my grumpy act, but I knew that for her, it was similar to my turning on the TV early in the morning to watch the British Open. Besides, I didn’t really mind. Royal weddings don’t happen every day, and this one was intriguing.

Meghan, a successful American actress, but a commoner in the eyes of British royalty, willingly surrendered her acting career, her own clothing line, and a successful lifestyle blog so she could marry her royal prince. Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, is the son of Prince Charles and Princess Diana. He is a former military officer who served as a helicopter pilot for a time in Afghanistan, and is sixth in the line of succession to the British throne. Their marriage goes against the grain of British royalty, and their relationship was met with resistance and criticism by the British press. But, given the huge crowd that gathered around Windsor Castle this morining, all seems to be well with the Brits. The wedding ceremony went without a hitch, and Meghan, now Duchess of Sussex, was a beautifull bride, demonstrating great poise throughout the ceremony.

Today, I was reminded of another royal wedding that will take place at some future time; that of Jesus Christ, the King, and of his bride, the church. Jesus is the supreme King, and he will marry his bride, whom he has adopted as his own. We, the church, are of common descent, born of Adam, born in sin. But by his grace, we have been made righteous, and by his Spirit, we are being sanctified so that when that day comes, he will present his bride, the church “to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Eph 5:23).

Until that day, it is our duty and our privilege to participate with him as he sanctifies us. We participate by forsaking the sin that besets us and walking according to the Spirit. We are called to be holy in all of our conduct, striving for peace with everyone (I Pet 1:15; Heb 12;14). The day of our royal wedding will be a beautiful day, a day of rejoicing that will never cease. Every royal wedding before that day will pale in comparison. What a glorious day that will be!

Love Takes Time

November 1, 2017 Joel Berry

The very first time I met Cheri, I knew that she was special. By the time I walked her back to her dorm after our first real date, I was in love. She captured my heart with her long blonde hair, her stunning beauty, and her confident wit. I never even thought about dating another girl after that night. I was in love, but that was only the beginning.

For the next three school years we were together every chance we could get. We attended formal events, walked to classes together, and met for lunch nearly everyday. We went to basketball and soccer games that we didn’t care about. We attended fine arts recitals for people we didn’t even know just so we could be together. The events around us simply didn’t matter. We just wanted to spend time together.

It's Not About "The Marriage"

October 9, 2017 Joel Berry

As I listened to Andy Stanley introduce a new series yesterday, I was reminded of this post that I wrote nearly five years ago. You can view Andy's new series by clicking here: "What Happy Couples Know". I recommend it for anyone who is married, engaged, or hopes to be married.

This summer, Cheri and I will celebrate our 29th wedding anniversary. Like many husbands, I don’t remember many of the details from the wedding. I remember that Cheri was a beautiful bride and all that mattered to me was that we were getting married. Still, it’s hard to believe that nearly twenty-nine years have passed since our wedding day.

We’ve been through a lot together. We were married right out of college and for the first six months we barely made enough money to get by. Our first residence was a 2 bedroom, 2 bath concrete block stucco house in south Florida. We each brought our bedroom furniture from our parents’ homes and we had a small kitchen table. Our living room was furnished with two folding lawn chairs, a bookcase and a 13” black and white TV. I can remember when we had to carefully consider spending $10 to buy a charcoal grill. We felt like real adults after that purchase!

Together we’ve bought and sold houses and cars, relocated several times, and made significant career decisions. We’ve reared two sons into their adulthood and are very proud of both of them. We’ve experienced financial struggles as well as abundance. We’ve had our disagreements at times but we managed to resolve them together.

Marriage Doesn't Have to be Hard

July 16, 2017 Joel Berry

I often hear people say that marriage is hard. I heard it at church today. The speaker's opening line was "marriage is hard." I'm sure many would agree. According to the American Psychological Association, the divorce rate in the U.S is between 40 and 50 percent for first marriages, and even higher for subsequent marriages. But I strongly disagree with the statement that marriage is hard. I think the better statement would be "we can, and often do make marriage hard."

Cheri and I were discussing this on our way home today. We have been married 33 years, and we both agree that these have been the best years of our lives. It is both humbling and gratifying to hear her tell me that she loves being married to me. I know that I am far from being the perfect man and the perfect husband, but she loves me even when I don't get it right. We have had our share of disagreements over the years, and on rare occasions, have had some harsh words. But overall, we have enjoyed a harmonious relationship characterized by love, cooperation (not compromise - more on that later), and commitment to each other.

I decided to write this today to encourage you, whether you are already married or are contemplating marriage, to not make marriage hard. I fully understand that that a harmonious relationship is dependent upon the cooperation of both parties, and if one party is not cooperative, a happy marriage may be out of reach. But, to borrow from the words of the apostle Paul, "if possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with [your spouse]" Rom 12:18). Following are a few thoughts on what it takes to be happily married: